fear

less.

airwaves: i'm beamin' x lupe fiasco

life would be so much easier if i would do the right thing and just blend in with the background. if i knew my place in the chorus. if i didnt use my voice and wore black and listened to the radio. lets face it, my life would be a billion times easier if i didnt feel the need to be brave all the time.

but let's face it.

that aint NEVA gonna be my role in life.

sure there are some things where i dont feel the need for recognition but come on, i was BORN to be a STAR! *cue brassy showtune music* okay, so this post is mainly because my life has taken some pretttty intense twists and turns these past 6 months. ive done a LOT. been through even more, and along the way ive taken QUITE the beating. i think this not only spawned from some MAYJA things i've done over my last few months in ohio. for starters, i posed nude for a magazine :)

yep, thats right lambs, your girl was on the COVER. im so proud of this guys...i wish you could feel the pride i did when Dwayne sent me a picture of it. i cried. i canNOT believe that i have come THIS far. are you serious? ME? the girl with terrible skin, big thighs, low self-esteem...on the cover of a magazine??? thats a biiiiig middle finger to everyone who has ever told me i was anything other than beautiful. thanks for the fuel to my fire:) you could never make me ashamed of this. its art. if you see porn in this well then i am just so sorry for you. i love that girl in that picture. if you knew her the way i do you would know that she's come a long way from the little shy girl that hid behind an afro. you HAVE to see me when you look at me. and thats just the way it should ALWAYS be.

secondly, and this may come as shocking or weird to you but, i donated some of my eggs to a woman who couldnt have children on her own. i did it because i know a woman who cant have children, and she works at a SCHOOL. the struggle she has with it is so intense she times take it out on herself as being weak, and its so sad. so i decided what better gift to give someone than the gift of LIFE? it was a looong process, painful with all the examinations, and even the discovery of cervical cancer cells! (no worries, we caught it in time!!!:)) and then the coup de grace of pain, SELF HORMONE INJECTIONS! but im a trooper. i got through it. went under the knife, was dopey and nauseated for a few hours afterwards, but it was worth it. Next week i'll find out if she got pregnant, i pray so, i was talking to my eggs before i let them go (yes, i know) but at the end of it, the experience was so worth it.

lastly, i JUST got back from Atlanta...i know i know, she and i have a serious love-hate relationship but we've gotten better. i had an amazing time. its some bomb food, spent wayyy too much money, AND....i got to witness my boys graduate from Morehouse College. i cried through the entire ceremony, i was SO proud. i watched them grow from silly boys to incredible men. Morehouse Men. i am so honored that you all are mine:) so this post is for the graduating class of 2010. Be brave on your journey friends, take RISKS, you only get to live life once (and already that doesnt seem to be enough) have fun, fall in love, travel, see the world, eat bizarre food, study different religions, adopt pets, be grateful to your parents, make mistakes! Stay Young. Forever. i love you. SO much.

infinite x's and o's, tish.